Our Parents, Ourselves.

I am sure you have heard kids telling their parents, "I am an adult now, I don't need you/your advice/help/suggestions etc..." And whereas we are all probably guilty of doing or thinking that at some point in our lives it has really been on my mind lately. I have come to the conclusion that in all honesty, we NEVER stop needing our parents.

Here I am 59 years old and more then ever I find myself needing my mom and dad or wanting them close to me. Maybe it comes from the trials and errors we find our children and grandchildren going through as we struggle to find the right words or actions in response to their situations. It would be so nice to have parents to turn to for advice.

Though my parents have been gone for many years, it has not lessened my missing them. I still have moments when I regress and feel like a lost child. But there is something that they have inadvertently instilled in me and will never go away; you see, they are still with me.

 Every time I look at myself in the mirror I see my Dad's blue eyes looking back at me, feel his creative genes interacting in my constantly churning mind, his musicality being sung out of my lips and danced out of my feet, his athleticism in my love of sports and competitiveness. His quick wit and laughter that often just slips off my tongue!
 My mom's knack for teaching seems to ooze out of me so effortlessly that even I wonder sometimes, if that came out of MY mouth? Her appreciation for the beauty of flowers, the sunset and the little things that often go unnoticed are  being seen out of my eyes as I stand amazed at the small miracles in life that God has given us. Her positive outlook, values, morals, and knowing right from wrong which I consciously strive to keep in the forefront of my actions. The greatest gift of all is from both of them- their love of children which I automatically embrace every time I see a child.

How is it that children think they can escape or leave their parents? The very blood that runs through their veins is that of their parents. No wonder there is such a connection even after death. When parents say they understand their child better then you think, it is true; it can't be helped.

I for one, am grateful that this is true as it gives me comfort on the days when I feel like a lonely child.  It is then that I am able to just take a good look at myself to find them. They are still here, in me and always with me. For that I am eternally grateful.

A Word From The Wise

I was on my way home from babysitting my grand kids and had a good 2 hour ride to just sit and listen to the radio, sing, think, pray, think some more, pray some more-all of that thinking gets you  worrying sometimes so you need to pray after that! It was then that I was moved to stop in to see my parents and grandparents; something was urging me to visit them.

It was a beautiful late afternoon spring day, with a nice breeze blowing through the trees with the sun  peaking between the branches when I walked over to my parents headstones. I stopped first and said hello to my Grandpa and Grandma and tears immediately welled up in my eyes as I tried to clean off some moss on their engraved names. I talked out loud to them as if they were sitting there; it just seemed like the right thing to do. I told them how much I missed them, and how shocked they would be to know all the things going on in the world now! I re-read the dates of birth; they were only one year apart, and their dates of death; 18 years apart.
Right behind their headstone are my parents, with a grey concrete bench near by to sit on. I suddenly felt very weary as I plopped down. It was as though I had a need to unburden all those thoughts I was having. It was like being a child again hoping that they could make all my concerns better.  I actually asked them if they had any "pull" up there to try get some of my prayers answered! Of course I had to smile when I said that, but you know God has a great sense of humor too or he wouldn't love me like I know he does:)
After a while I went behind their headstones to my Great Grandparents and thanked them for their part in my life here on earth. I wondered out loud how they managed to make it through years of trials and stress; knowing well that it was a strong faith in God that carried them through.

The last one I visited was my brother, and it just was so hard to actually grip that he really wasn't here on earth anymore; somehow it still doesn't seem real. So with that, I told them all goodbye and promised I would stop again when I could. My drive home was quiet and once again I was left to my thoughts and prayers.
It was during that time that the word "wisdom" popped into my head and I knew immediately where that thought came from and what it meant. The older we get the wiser we become; we have experienced so many things, either ourselves or by knowing others. The worry and stress we feel for our children comes from knowing what will happen when they make certain decisions in their lives. They often think it is a control issue on our part, but it isn't--it is the" knowing" that causes worry and hurts so much.
Having the need to stop at the cemetery was no coincident; I was being led to those who had lived before me and had gained so much experience and knowledge during their lifetime. They may no longer be able to verbally tell me the things I have yet to learn, but if I look back at my memories and stories of their lives, I find a wealth of information and guidance through their examples (good and bad) of how to be and how to live a good life.
Hopefully we can learn these lessons so we can be good examples to the generations yet to come.

Friends We Love To Hate???

I woke up yesterday morning to the radio announcer reading off  "The Top 5 Facebook Friends We Love To Hate!"  (Note: I am using their lines, as I am not on Facebook.)
#1--The Bragger- the person who has posts bragging pictures and comments; " My husband is the best ever, my kids are so good..."
#2--The Debbie Downer- the person who prints "Woe is me... I am so depressed-can't I ever get a break..."
#3--The Mysterious- the person who gives clues like, "What a day-I need a break, Ugggh..." Without explaining what is behind the comment!
#4--Mr. Money Bags- the person who lets you know that they buy this and that and everything to one-up you; so they think:)
#5--The Compliment Fisher-The person who posts things waiting to get a compliments like; "You can do it, lucky you, good for you, you deserve it..."
(One I have heard complaints from is, The Minute By Minute-"Going to the bathroom, will be right back, the phone is ringing, my stomach hurts, I need an aspirin..."

After all of these were read, the announcers went on to agree and add their own complaints, when finally one of them said, " You know...after reading these, what CAN you write about without being hated?" (Hmmm, exactly what I was thinking as I listened to this.)
Which in turn makes me wonder, do we really need to have friends that we love to hate?

Love is in the Air!

This morning the radio trivia questions was, " What is it that 84% of men believe and 41% of women surveyed, believe?"
Hmmm...The man answering the question started out by saying, "Love...Saying I love you..." The DJ told him he was getting close, but to be more specific. The man blurted out, "Love at first sight...?" CORRECT!!!
A discussion followed on how surprised they were by that percentage, and I must say that I agreed with that! Wouldn't you think women would be more prone to having that romantic notion? Well, evidently not if you are to believe their survey.
Personally I believe in love at first sight--been there, done that! I think it's kinda nice thinking that it can hit men just as hard, if not harder than it does for us women. It pretty much sums up the true meaning of love; it can hit anyone, anytime and anywhere:) Isn't that exciting?
Have a great Valentine's Day!

Today I Said a Little Prayer...

Today I said a little prayer for WJ and his children who lost their lovely wife and wonderful mommy. I pray they will have strength and courage to get through life without the person they love and depended on most on this earth. I pray that they will have the faith and knowledge that one day they will be reunited. Natalia is once again in the arms of her loving grandparents who helped raise her and is at peace.
Today I said a little prayer for Stacey who will be undergoing treatment for her thyroid cancer. May the treatment work quickly and thoroughly and may she be able to keep her strong and positive attitude even during the times that seem the hardest.
Today I said a little prayer for Char who cried when I told her about the death of Natalia, as she had just lost her husband recently and the news brought back such sadness. I pray that she will find support in all of us who love her, and comfort in the prayers that are offered her way.
Today I said a little prayer for little Elsie as she started her first day at a new daycare. May her smile brighten the lives of her provider and may they fall in love with her and care for her the way we do:)
Today I said a little prayer for Kyrstin as she comes to the last month of her pregnancy. May her labor and delivery go well and may this baby be born healthy so that someday he/she can rejoice in knowing the Lord; the creator of such miracles.
Today I said a little prayer for all my children. Keep them safe as they travel and help them to do their jobs in such a way that it makes a difference in the lives of others and in doing so brings glory to you, our Lord.
Today I said a little prayer for Connor, Tate, Caitlyn and Billy, as they head back to school. Please keep them safe at school and play and may they find pleasure in learning and opportunities to help and to be kind to others.
Today I said a little prayer for Easton, Alec and Addie. Hold them tight in your loving arms and keep them safe at play. Lord, help those around them to take time to find pleasure in all their sweetness and moments of discovery and learning:)
Today I said a little prayer for Gary. I thank you every day for bringing him into my life. Only you Lord, could have made that happen, and only you knew that we were meant to be:)
Today I said a little prayer for Layne and Jenna who rejoice in the news of a new baby! What a wonderful gift it is to be a part of creating a new life.
Today I said a little prayer for all those who are having struggles in their lives. I pray that they will turn to you so that you can guide them with the light that leads them to happiness and acceptance.
Yes, today I said a little prayer...not unlike yesterday or any day before that or any day to come.
AMEN

A Tribute

Today I should have been sending out a birthday card to my Auntie Vi, as tomorrow she would have turned 93 years old. I say would have, as she passed away this late summer. She and my Uncle never had any children so she left behind only nieces and nephews. Her obituary was small, no picture, no long list of activities or achievements that you see in so many papers these days. She was a hard working, good person who led a simple life and probably did more and achieved more than we will actually ever know.
When I was growing up they lived down the road from us; the farm on the big corner that made you lean to one side when you went around it on your way into town. The farm was very well kept and clean. Beautiful flower beds appeared after you drove through the evergreen lined driveway. When I was a little girl I knew that I had better behave myself when we stopped at her house. My mom somehow left an impression with me that because they weren't use to kids we had to be very good; sit and not move. So I did...I only remember being in the kitchen, and once in the dining area when I was middle school age and my parents were invited to supper.
I do have a recollection of another time when we had a house fire in the middle of the night and we went there to keep warm until things were under control at home. That is when I first saw steps going to the upstairs. I was very young then, and we didn't have a stairway in our house so that  intriqued me:) Aside from a few other random memories, that pretty much sums up my early year memories of her.

Years later, she came to my wedding shower and gave me sheets, that I still have to this day. Not fitted, just simple flat white sheets. I was really happy that she came as my mom had passed away by then and somehow her being there made me feel special. After I married and moved away, we exchanged Christmas cards each year with a letter. When I got into genealogy, my Dad would often refer me to Auntie Vi if he didn't know the answer, so that gave us another reason to communicate with one another through letters back and forth. It was then that she would write things of great interest and I loved hearing her stories and memories of her younger days. She would often say, "Oh Auntie Vi doesn't have a very good memory." or "That could be, I just don't recall."
She often referred to me as Dear, or had her salutation written as Dear Ones. I have kept the letters she had written me and I am so glad that I did.
In my dining room on my table is a beautiful Christmas table runner she had made me one year. I put it out every year and this year when I pulled it out of the drawer tears welled up in my eyes.Somehow I never anticipated that the time would come when I wouldn't write her a card.
One year I sent her the book called "A Cup of Christmas Tea" which I thought she would enjoy as it is about making time to have a visit and a cup of tea with an elderly aunt. Every month I would send her my copy of Reminisce magazine as they were just too good not to share and I often tagged articles I found interesting. She seemed to appreciate it, and would always write me a thank you note but noted that the postage was too much and I shouldn't be spending my money on that:) It's funny, in writing this I just realized that I haven't read my Reminisce since she passed away. I use to read them quickly so I could send them off to her, but now there is a growing pile by my chair...

This spring she fell and broke her shoulder. She was in a nursing home until it healed and was very sad as she wanted to go home. The couple of times I was able to visit her are very special. She was happy for the company and I hugged her and she kissed me on the cheek as I told her I loved her. My last letter from her came in a belated birthday card after she was home again. She said she was so happy to be home but had so much mail to catch up on.
A few weeks later she fell again, this time shattering her hip. This proved to be very traumatic on her elderly body, and  a week later she had a massive stroke and shortly after passed away. I felt so empty the day I got the call.
Auntie Vi was the last of my Dad's siblings; with her went the end of that generation. Even though I didn't know her as well as I would have liked, there is still something that makes me feel very close to her. Is it just because she was family and I had known her my whole life? I didn't know her hopes, or dreams, her heartaches or losses. I just knew that she was family and I felt loved by her. I hope she knew how special she was to me too.
Isn't it ironic that my last note from her was my birthday card and now it only seems right that my last letter to her is on hers...
Happy Birthday dear Auntie Vi, I love you.

Are You Making That Up?

I am not exaggerating when I say that the BEST conversations are those held with children.  Not only do you often feel as tho you are full of wisdom when they ask questions, but I have also found that they leave ME with questions that I need to find answers for!
Last week was the second week of temperatures in the high 70's and mid 80's. Beautiful, lovely, breezy warm days filled with the soft touch of fall. I had picked up Billy, my 12 year old grandson from school and we were talking about the gorgeous colors of the autumn trees on our drive home. In conversation, I told him how I loved Indian Summer.
"What is Indian Summer, Grandma?" he asked.
"Well, it is when fall has arrived with cool, frosty weather and then suddenly you have a period of days when it suddenly gets warm like summer again before the cold weather actually comes to stay," I explained.
"Why do they call it Indian Summer?" he inquired, suddenly full of interest.
I hesitated before answering, " You know, I'm not really sure...I wonder if it has something to do with some tribes moving to different places before the hard winter arrived, and maybe that is the period of time they did this?"
Billy thought about this for a moment before saying, "So is there really such a saying as Indian Summer, or are you making that up?"
I laughed out loud and assured him, there is absolutely such a phrase, and maybe I should look it up as to why they call it that. He agreed that would be interesting:)
The following day I picked up his sister Caitlyn and her friend Maggie  to take them to dance class right after school. Once again the conversation was geared around the warm weather and I said to them, that this is our Indian Summer. Being 4th graders their reaction was much less calm.
"What is that?" they both responded laughingly.
Once again I explained the definition of it, and silently kicked myself for not taking the time to be able to tell them why it was called that!
Suddenly, Maggie inquired, "Are you making that up?"
I laughed and laughed..obviously kids these days are not exposed to the term-- Indian Summer!
With a big smile on my face, I assured her it was a true term, and I would get back to her as to why it was called that.
I did get the definition correct on Indian summer---"...warm weather after a sharp frost, associated with October to November..."
However, the reason it is named so, is pretty interesting. There appears to be a couple of thoughts on this.  One theory being that the Colonists knew that Indian raiding parties did not happen once the snow was on the ground, so after the first hard frosts and then warm weather, they knew that this was when they could expect the last of the raids for the season.
Another theory is, it was the period of time the Indians harvested their crops of squash and corn, getting them in before the hard winter.
So now I will be much more informed when I speak of Indian Summer, thanks to my grand kids.
 Also a lesson to be learned is to pass on the language we have grown up with. It can be an adventure in learning if you can convince them you did not make it up!!
Have a great weekend!